


Those Words

by UmbraCredo



Category: Buhay Kolehiyo, SSU, Sexy Sexy Universities
Genre: Adamson University - Freeform, Angst and Feels, Baby I'm Preying on You Tonight Hunt You Down Eat You Alive Just Like Animals, De La Salle - College of St. Benilde, De La Salle University, F/F, F/M, How do you write sensual scenes?!?, I Tried, I blame Maroon 5 Paramore and Ellie Goulding for this, Jealousy, M/M, Maroon 5's Animals made me write most of this, Miriam College - Freeform, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Poor Addie, Roland Barthes with a touch of hugot, Salle is a passionate animal, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, You Are The Only Exception, lots of intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbraCredo/pseuds/UmbraCredo
Summary: "Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hide , curled and wounded." - Elle NewmarkWhat first became a wholesome discussion about a book on love, turns into an emotional trainwreck.





	Those Words

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm hello there!
> 
> Honestly, I have no idea what I've just written. 
> 
> It's been a long time since I've written something more creative than critical (because I'm a cultural studies student T_T) since like I don't know 2014 or earlier(?). This took almost a few weeks to research and constant re-reading of Barthes' A Lover's Discourse which is a great book and very interesting towards the concept of love. XD The story is my own interpretation of the book which is what made a bit more difficult. This is me trying to combine the creative and the critical lul
> 
> Also thanks also to @mtchplz and @Gwyndolyn for helping me think of the flow and making a little more...painful, so to speak. This fanfic was hard to conceptualise and execute which was the exciting part.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the fic, pardon any grammatical errors and such. It feels weird writing fanfiction again lol

5:45 PM

Dusk began to roll in as the university chime played its familiar melody for the final time. The once bleak atmosphere of students drudgingly walking to their classes everyday is beginning would lighten up for this particular day only. Thursdays were the freedom call for most students particularly Salle. He quickly rushed out of his Literature class as fast as he went in. He sighed in relief, walking down the stairs of the Miguel building towards the benches outside the entrance. He decided to remove his jacket and tie it around his waist in a makeshift skirt to compensate for the warm weather. He could feel the afternoon breeze flowing through his hair.  
Salle decided to take a rest using the benches. He rubbed his eyes in an effort to stay awake after the, what he considered as, tiresome class. 

He vaguely recalled his professor’s lecture about something called Semiotics or the study of things called “signs” and how they make sense or something along those lines; he didn’t remember much because he slept for most of the class. In between those moments of him dozing off and staying awake, Salle could remember book that the professor recommended as some sort of guide. He completely forgot about the book in which mindlessly placed on the table. All he wanted to do was to take a rest before going back his condo with Cessie and relax for the rest of the weekend, probably hang out with his circle of friends particularly Neo, the person he would usually do things with the most. But all those possibilities during the weekend vanished as he was regrettably reminded that they were going to have a discussion about that book next week. This meant that he had to read the book whether he wanted to or not. The professor’s final words before dismissing the class came back to haunt him.

“Class, before we leave I just want you guys to know that we’re going to have a discussion about this next week” the professor although stern was approachable and kind. He wanted to make the book appealing to his students.

The class just nodded in reluctance, Salle just rested head on his palm in boredom, nodding along with everyone else. The professor continued on about what makes the book interesting to teenagers such as Salle.

“ _Look I know that this book sounds medyo boring and cheesy. But this book can actually be applicable to kids your age._ ” The professor gave a genuine smile, hoping that the book would entertain them at the least before telling them that class has finally ended.

Salle just glanced at the book in front of him in annoyance, squinting his eyes towards the thing that stopped him from having a relaxing weekend. It was a black book with the author’s name written in white and fancy handwriting: Roland Barthes, the man who is considered renowned in that field of study. He couldn’t help but blame this guy for ruining his weekend. Salle could’ve spent the entire weekend doing a lot more important things like gaming, hanging out with Neo, drinking with Neo, or simply sleeping the whole day… with Neo. But instead he had to read a book made by some guy about random things and what they mean to some and not to all. He couldn’t help but groan towards all these predicaments.  
Salle decided to just open the book to see what’s so interesting about the book that his professor wanted them to read. He slowly opened the book and flipped randomly through the pages, scanning them to find anything meaningful. At the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but be enticed by concept of how things make sense towards one person and is different to another. These things perplexed Salle’s mind to the point that it gave him a minor headache. Eventually he stopped towards the middle of the book and found a word that seemed very, very familiar to him.  


It was the word _I Love You_ written in bold with a short yet cryptic definition below it.

_The figure refers not to the declaration of love, to the avowal, but to the repeated utterance of the love cry._  


Salle admitted to himself at one point that he didn’t have the biggest vocabulary compared to his other friends like Mia or Neo but he did understand a portion of it. He pondered at the phrase for a brief moment and tried to analyse what the phrase meant.  


_“Ano kaya to… does it mean that...uhhhh something about I Love You na parang walang kwenta lang? ”_  


He scratched his head in frustration and cluelessness. To Salle, the word I Love You was a straightforward sentence that expresses reciprocated desire towards someone. However at the back of his mind, he wondered as to what would happen if he said it to other people, “different people, different reactions?” was the scenario he had in mind. Salle then started picturing himself saying I Love You to various people and what would their probable reaction be like. He stared blankly at the book, his vision fading before slowly closing his eyes and letting his imagination run free. The person that he imagined first was Neo. He could probably see him fluster, yet at the same time feel comforted by the sudden confession. He thought of the proper place to confess something like that to him, probably at a quiet place like his condominium during the afternoon. The cool air from his conditioned room. Salle softly cuddling Neo on top his bed, placing his arms around his chest. Neo wanted to wear his jacket since it felt cold in his room. He cherished the solemn comfort Salle was providing him, gently as he whispered to his earnest affection...  


_I Love You_

This daydream of his felt natural given his flirtatious nature towards people especially Neo. His mind rolled on towards scenarios wherein he would say it to just to make whatever the hell Barthes wrote to make sense. Salle assumed that this would be most probable reaction coming from someone like Neo. He quickly thought of the next scenario

“ _Mia kaya-?_ ”

 _“TANGINA MO?!? DAPAT KAY NEO YUN!”_ she screamed following it up with a forceful slap to the face by the imaginary Mia.  


The force of that slap was strong enough for Salle to snap him out of his daydream. He recoiled, rubbing the side of his cheek from the imaginary pain if he ever did say that to her. Salle shivered momentarily at the thought before letting it slide. Despite these scenarios he still couldn’t understand a single thing about that one word, let alone the rest of the book. He was curious though, what would happen it if he said to someone he wouldn’t think off in the slightest.  


_“Si Addie...?”_

Addie was the last person he would think off to say those words. To Salle, the introverted Adamson student felt rather distant towards him. Everytime he would wave “hello” towards her she would just wave high in return and nothing more. As oblivious as he is, Salle was perceptive of her behavior whenever she was with him: fidgeting her fingers, looking sideways to avoid eye contact to even her obvious moments of blushing. He contemplated on all these to the point that he even assumed that she had some feelings toward him.

“Does she…?”

Before he could go on any further with any more considerations a vibration coming from his right pocket disturbed his train of thought. The vibration was a phone call from Cessie. He reached for his phone and placed it beside his ear.

“Hello?” Salle’s voice sounded coarse after sleeping for most of the class

“ _Kuya!_ Are you done with classes?” Cessie sounded excited over the phone  


“Yeah just finished my last class, _uwi na tayo?_ ” Salle wanted to hear “yes” from Cessie so that they can just chill at his condominium.  


“ _Di pa!_ Do you want to have Starbucks?”  


Salle groaned silently, expecting something else  


“ _Sino kasama?_ ” he responded as casually as possibly. Maybe a cup of coffee can ease the stress.  


“ _Sina Addie at Mia!_ ”  


“ _Sige_. I’ll meet you there in a few.” Salle placed his phone back inside his pocket, grabbed the book and made haste towards Starbucks. Perhaps he can place these assumptions of his to the test.  


~~~

  


It was about 6:00 in the evening by the time Salle made it to the doors of Starbucks. The smell of roasted coffee beans, toasted bread and cigarette smoke filled the Thursday night air. The cafe was filled with students who just wanted a moment’s rest. Some found comfort in solitude with their laptops on their tables and a cup of warm coffee beside them while others were satisfied in company, chatting on about the stresses of college life.  
Cessie, Mia, and Addie were seated at the inner tables of the cafe due to not being able to find space sooner. In spite of the number of people crowding the cafe, Cessie was able to spot his brother taking a small breather after making his way from the Miguel building. She waved high enough for him to see them to which he sighed in relief.  


" _Kuya! Dito!_ ”

Salle slowly sat down, stretching his arms and legs after running for most of his way towards Starbucks. Upon sitting he was greeted by the faces of Cessie, Mia, and Addie. Salle seated himself beside Mia while Cessie sat beside Addie. Mia was the first to greet the tried archer.  


“Hey Salle! Kamusta?” sipping her Cappuccino afterwards as well as handing Salle his own beverage for him to drink  


“Okay lang, Mia. Just the usual stress. Thanks!” drawing his breath after the long run then drinking from the cold, refreshing, Vanilla Frappucino.

Addie made an effort to say hello, waving while trying to avoid having a red face in front of him.  


“Uhm Hi Salle.”  


“Hey Addie!” Salle gave a brief inquisitive look towards her while she took a sip out of her Frappucino, trying to act casual after the much awkward greeting. Salle thought of these as normal for someone as introverted as her, but he still wanted to know if she actually liked him or not. Nonetheless he greeted her like a good friend. Cessie shifted her eyes toward her brother while sipping her beverage with a minor hint of jealousy. Mia decided to break the ice by asking why he seemed so stressed, She asked pointing at the black book on top of the table  


“Salle, what’s that book you have with you?”  


“Oh this? It’s some book our professor made us read. Sobrang labo!” he showed the book cover to the three of them. Cessie was intrigued by the title of the book, reading it aloud.  


“A Lover’s Discourse by Roland Barthes”  


_“Ang cheesy naman yung title!”_ continued Cessie as she chuckled at the title of the book. Salle just glared at disappointment towards her, nodding his head sideways.  


“Anyway have you heard of this book, Mia?” Salle was hoping for someone who is familiar with it to help him out with this predicament..  


“I have heard of it , but we haven’t fully discussed that book in class. Only bits of it.” Mia continued sipping her hot beverage.  


“Why are you asking?” She pondered as to why Salle would ask her about a random book  


“It’s because our prof wants us to discuss about it by next week. Don’t know jack shit about it.” Salle then placed his book on top of the table again  


Salle briefly closed his eyes in frustration while pointing to the ceiling.  


“Where’s Neo when you need him? I could really use his help!”  


Addie slightly lowered her head upon hearing the Atenean’s name being mentioned by him  


_Neo_  


The intelligent and handsome Neo whom Salle considered as the most reliable person whenever he was in trouble. Though he considered everyone else: Mia, Addie, Cessie, Phil, Tomas and so on to be dependable, it was Neo that would always be on top.They would usually be seen hanging out together whether in bars, the school campus, or anywhere for that matter. From his looks to this light blue long-sleeved polo and dark pants. He was the epitome of preppy aesthetics much to Salle’s admiration.  


“I’m not smart like him...I will never be... anything to him”  


Addie whispered to herself thinking that no-one would ever hear her. She blankly stared at her cup of Cappuccino, the vapours of the beverage giving her a sense of comfort and warmth for her cold heart. She felt weight of her insignificance compared to Neo bearing down upon her. Unfortunately Cessie heard Addie’s whispers of self-pity. She wanted to cheer her up that Addie, was more than that.  


“Y-you’re more than that, Addie!”  


“You ARE smart!” Cessie asserted even through the softness of her voice  


“You’re nice, friendly, beautiful…”  


Cessie could think of a myriad of words to compliment Addie to make her understand these feelings she harbored; her mind was abuzz but her mouth wanted to stay shut. She just flustered thinking of the possible consequences if she ever did say those words.  


“You’re everything and more…to me” She wanted to so much more to cheer her up. She wished that she would be given the chance to say it to here and now. Sadly she couldn’t.  


Mia intervened by answering Salle’s queries about Neo.  


“Unfortunately for you, he has his own problems to attend to. He’s studying for his exams, so are Phil and Tomas.” she resumed sipping her warm coffee in between sentences. Salle just wanted to go home wanting to give up and just not care about it.  
He then turned to Addie maybe she could him out..  


“Well… just a little bit? I really wish I could help Salle but I don’t know much as well.” she responded as naturally and calmly as she could.  


“It’s okay, Addie” he gave her a reassuring smile, acknowledging her attempts in helping her out. Salle just sighed in a feeling of hopelessness.However Mia thought of an idea that could save his skin.  


“Well...why don’t we have like a sort of group discussion or something about that book of yours Salle?” finishing her cup at last.  


“That could work, I guess” seeing as there are not that much to do. Salle just went along with the idea.  


“Yeah, yeah! It’s better with the three of us helping you out Kuya!” Cessie nodded in agreement without any second doubts.  


Addie likewise nodded as well. To her this could one of the rare opportunities for her to talk with Salle and hopefully be closer to him. Maybe, just maybe, this could be her chance to raise her courage and say what she always wanted to say to him.  


_I Love You_  


Mia then concluded with planning as to when they can start. She suggested  


“Tomorrow? Me and Addie are free”  


“Yaaaasss!!” exclaimed Cessie as she was excited in helping her brother out and maybe, just maybe get closer to Addie. She was hopeful that tomorrow would be the day, but at the same time she couldn’t help as to how Addie would react to her saying those words in front of Salle, the person she harbors feelings for. A feeling of nervousness crawled up her spine as they made their way out.  


The four students finally got up and made their separate ways. While walking out Addie can feel her heart racing as she waved to goodbye to Salle. Mia somehow felt a sense of warmth surrounding Addie, something rather rare for her usually shy and introverted attitude. She couldn’t help but smile.  


~~~

  
11:00 AM, Friday  


The calm breeze flowing through the Henry Sy open grounds compensated for the unbearable heat of the day. Instead of it being the bane of every college student’s existence, it became more of a gentle beam of sunlight. Not too hot, but warm enough for one to relax under. Students were seen enjoying themselves, playing frisbee, petting the cats that roamed around. Others decided to just lie down on the warm grass and nap their troubles away.  
Salle was the first to arrive sporting his usual get up of a black shirt, a green and white jacket to which he tied it around his shoulders in a makeshift scarf and casual jeans, the only difference was that he decided to wear reading glasses knowing how much he’s going to reading the book. Cessie followed suit wearing her trademark sleeveless blouse, a colourful skirt with cat-themed stockings to match. They both sat down on the warm with Cessie stretching out her arms and legs in relaxation. She sat with her arms supporting her and her legs straightened out. Salle on the other hand, sat with his legs folded in a cool demeanour.  


It was not long before Addie and Mia followed, each of them holding a blue cup with a red spoon on top. She wore a light blue hooded shirt and jeans topping it off with black Chuck Taylor’s, a more casual outfit if she would say so herself. Mia went with her usual uniform since she thought it was fashionable it its own right.  


Cessie’s eyes sparkled as she saw the cups of Dairy Queen, something that can cool them off amidst the heat. She asked them in assurance as they finally made their way towards the siblings.  


“You guys bought us Dairy Queen?”  


“Oo naman! Cessie! Get one!” Addie giggled as Cessie grabbed a cup in joy, taking a spoonful of the Oreo Blizzard into her mouth. The crunchiness of the Oreo cookies and smooth Vanilla flavor mixed was the sweetest thing Cessie could ever ask for. But Addie’s smile was even sweeter to her. Her gentle face and warm smile was more than she could ask for.  


“Thanks Addie! _Labyu!_ ”

Addie raised her eyebrows for a brief moment before giggling softly at Cessie’s genuine reply, taking it as a sign of close friendship. A sudden jolt shot up Cessie’s spine after saying those words.  


“No problem, Cessie!”  


_“WAIT LANG TANGINA DID I JUST SAY THAT?!?!”_

The voice at the back of Cessie’s mind screamed as she didn’t process that she just said those three words. In a feat of recklessness she proclaimed her feelings for Addie after a simple gesture of offering ice scream. Between the sweetness of the Oreo Blizzard and the bitter realization of her saying her feelings to her extemporaneously she was in the middle but then shifted towards the bitterness as Addie didn’t know the hidden intention of that phrase. Cessie just swallowed her treat trying to reassess what she just said a few minutes ago, glancing at Addie. She didn’t know whether to feel bad for her not reciprocating it like it should have or glad that Addie cares for her despite not knowing the intentions of that awkward moment. She just smiled either way.  


“No problem, Cessie!” She smiled afterwards  


Mia gave her cup to Salle, who smiled generously towards her. With the four of them finally sitting down, it was time to start. She began by asking Salle about the book and it’s author, very general stuff.  


“Okay Salle, tell us what you think about the author who wrote the book?”  


“Well uhhh….” Salle glancing at the closed book “as far as I understand, this guy uhm...Barthes was known for what was called Sema-Semo-Semiotics or something?” he tried to pronounce the word  


“ _Yun lang naalala ko._ ” Salle adjusted his wannabe-nerd glasses making himself seem smart like Neo.  


“Ano yun?” Cessie asked, taking a spoonful of her Dairy Queen after asking.  


Mia assisted her by explaining what is was  


“Well, Semiotics is a study that deals with how certain things, words, or actions make sense to us. Gets?”  


“Like how a Rose symbolises Love and why that flower in particular.” Addie gave a simple example to make the complicated subject seem simple to Cessie.  


“See? You are smart, Addie!” Cessie softly blushed in admiration of her literary intellect.  


“Does that mean that Salle’s book talks about Love like it has different kinds of meaning?” Cessie tried to figure out the purpose of Salle’s book.  


“ _Siguro_ ” Salle shrugged his shoulders in compliance. He didn’t know what the book was about so he might as well find out about it anyway. Mia continued the flow of the discussion by asking Salle to read some content from the book to see what they’re trying to deal with.  


“Why don’t you read something out of that book?”  


Salle sighed before finally opening the book, randomly turning the pages to find anything interesting. A few pages in and he did find something fascinating. It was the word jealousy, a common emotion that most people experience when the person some desire desires someone else.  


_Jealousy_  


Salle read aloud the word with such eloquence that it underlies his athletic appearance.  


The word suddenly tugged at Cessie and Addie’s chests, his voice made the situation slightly unnerving.  


_As a jealous man, I suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my jealousy will wound the other,_  


Cessie could not get over Addie’s attraction and affection towards her brother. Over and over she asked herself in her thoughts  


_“Bakit gusto mo kuya ko, bakit hindi nalang ako?”_  


She imagined what would happen if Addie ever found out about her feelings towards her.. Would it wound their friendship? Would it work out in the end? She did just haphazardly said it out loud for Salle and Mia to hear with Addie replying only with a smile. Perhaps it was the only thing she will get out of that confession of her’s.  


_because I allow myself to be a subject of banality_  


Addie felt her insignificance seeping up again. This feeling of commonness compared against Neo, the Atenean whom Salle admired so greatly. Addie was nothing more than an afterimage of Neo. She felt so out of place and meaningless if placed beside Neo that Salle would always choose him over her. Addie could not help but be felt left out and just be content with conventional waves and a small “Hello!”. Addie felt like she was just watching  
I suffer from being excluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and from being common. Mia did not know what was happening but shrugged it off, maybe it was just the warm weather she thought.  
Salle finished reading his passage, unaware that Cessie and Addie felt emotionally uneasy. He just looked at Addie and Cessie in bewilderment unsure as to why they feel somehow attacked by what he has said in the past few minutes. Mia, however, was beginning to get bored and this discussion was going nowhere. She immediately thought of another plan to make this more interactive.

“Hey guys, why don’t we do something a little more...interesting?”  


Interesting was one way to describe Mia’s plan. To which in this case could spell trouble for Addie, Cessie, and Salle. Or worse: a sanction from the school’s Disciplinary Office.  


“Why don’t we try roleplaying the book?” Mia exclaimed with an exceptionally devious smile.  


“ _S-SERYOSO KA MIA?!_ ” Addie blurted out, heavily flustered towards Mia, who would have the nerve to come up with something as sensual as that. Barthes’ book was already sensual enough, roleplaying it is something else. Mia then became the director of this rather arousing interpretation of the concept of desire. But first she needed actors and actresses.  


“Addie, Salle… hmmm” she stroked her chin “why don’t you two act this out?”  


“ _Ok lang sa akin, ikaw Addie?_ ” Salle looked at her with a smile  


“S-sige…” Addie couldn’t believe what Mia was going to put her through. She had enough knowledge to understand how explicit Barthes can write, but this is too much...even for her.  


“Alright, you guys stand up and try to act as natural as possible. _WITH FEELINGS PO HAH?!?_ ”  


Mia cupped her hands together, authenticating her director persona. Addie was never this close to Salle before, her heart continued racing with every minutes. She breathed in slowly, composing herself in front of him. Salle just stood casually not minding the obviously nervous Addie. Mia grabbed the book and turned the pages for a few minutes, trying to find a more entertaining and, to an extent, passionate, subject. Cessie couldn’t help but cross her arms, imagining herself being the one beside Addie instead of Salle. Mia finally found another interesting passage, it was about talking. Talking is perhaps one of the most simple forms of expression, words and how they construct our deepest desires. Mia however wanted to interpret this in her own way.  
“Places guys! Now, I want you two paint the picture of what Barthes is trying to say here. Ready?”  


Addie and Salle just stood there thinking of what Mia might possibly make them do, something perverted, something crazy, whatever. She cleared her throat, making her voice audible enough, and passionate enough for the reading to be a little more...enticing.

She started reading the first few lines with a powerful, yet seductive voice.  


_Talking_

_Language is a skin: I rub my language against the other. It is as if I had words instead of fingers, or fingers at the tip of my words. My language trembles with desire_

Salle was already baffled by what the first few lines meant.  


“S-siguro it means that you’re trying to compliment someone or say something to the person you like?”  


“ _Feeling ko gets ko na_...like this?”  


Salle slowly paced himself in front of her. Addie was completely caught off guard as he stood there face-to-face. She covered her face, desperately hiding her red face. She never knew how passionate Salle could be. Perhaps this is how he’s like towards Neo, maybe even better bed. Addie couldn’t help but look up at the handsome La Sallian, the distance between them slowly growing closer. Their chests were almost a few inches from each other, if only Salle could hear her rapid heartbeat. Mia was shocked by how deep Salle was into his role.

“S-Salle?” Addie covered her face in embarrassment.  


“You can put your hands down, Addie. _Okay lang sa akin_ ” Salle assured that there was nothing to worry about  


Mia continued on reading, sensing an interesting interaction between her two actors.  


_The emotion derives from a double contact: on the one hand, a whole activity of discourse discreetly, indirectly focuses upon a single signified which is…”I desire you”_

She slowly lowered her hands towards the side, still turning away from his gaze. Salle steadily placing his fingers under her soft chin, starting from her waist going up. Addie can feel the gentle touch underneath his athletic strength. Her body felt an unnatural surge of energy passing through her every limb, leaving her paralyzing her somehow. Eventually she glanced at Salle’s face, the slick black hair, the sharp yet gentle eyes, and warm smile. He slowly moved himself to her ear while gently caressing her short, yet gentle brown hair with his firm hands. she could feel her heart racing faster, faster. This was the Salle that Addie always imagined that would notice her one day. All this time she thought that he would never notice her or even bother to say “Hello”. Now they finally see each other eye-to-eye. Salle has marked the falcon in his sights.

“I’ve never noticed how truly beautiful you are...not up close.”  


She would recall the memories of Salle leaving subtle waves whenever they would come across each other. She accepted these signs as solemn and genuine friendship. But signs are uncertain and always changing, never absolute. Cessie was shocked by how intimate his brother was towards Addie, but all she could do was watch, imitating the moves or trying something new since she wasn’t as tall as him. Perhaps a gentle hug or even the holding of hands would suffice for her. He slowly reached for her ear while gently caressing her short, yet gentle brown hair with his firm hands as the winds of midday blew ever freely. Addie’s breathing was soft, yet steady and warm almost like that of a quiet moan, her knees felt weak and made subtle shivers. Addie fell prey to the archer’s dangerous charms. She felt helpless yet aroused against his amorous and predatory allure.

Addie wasn’t so sure anymore if this was still part of roleplaying. But she didn’t care at this point.

“Maybe...maybe this is what he does with Neo”

Mia couldn’t help but blush towards her explicit adaptation of Barthes’ work. Cessie was just speechless.

“I’m curious Addie, are you in love with someone?” Salle wanted to dig deeper to find out if what he assumed was true.

She instinctively stepped back in fear, fear that her secret could possibly be exposed at this very moment. Addie firmly grasped Salle’s wrist and decided to just say it all.  


“Y-Yes...”

“Who, someone here?” Salle pressed on  


Addie’s voice shrunk to a whisper “y-you”  


“Hm?” Salle couldn’t understand what she was trying to say beneath  


Small traces of tears flowed down her face. This charade cannot go on for much longer, she wanted to confess to him here and now. Addie closed her eyes and expressed her suppressed emotions as earnest as she could.  


“ _M-MAHAL KITA SALLE, OKAY?_ ”

Salle placed his hand down, letting Addie speak her mind. He was silent all throughout her emotional tirade, thinking that Addie was still acting in character.

“I-I wanted to say this for so fucking long. I wished that you would have noticed me, j-just for once!.”

Addie tried to control her tears much to her futility  


“Even...if you mistook me for one someone else. I-” she stuttered for a bit  


_“I just wished I had a chance…”_  


Addie composed herself but she couldn’t help but feel pathetic towards a pitiful confession. She confessed but Salle never replied, she knew it would it be pointless anyway. Besides, this was what she wanted to to say and nothing more. The expression of what was once of desire and affection turned into bitter unrequitedness. All Addie could think off was how hopeful she was for him to reciprocate those words as an extension of her feelings for him. Ending it with an amorous explosion of reciprocated affection. She was mistaken.

“Addie” Salle could only say her name in concern  


Mia decided it was time to stop, thinking that this was enough interpretation for one passage in the book.  


“Cut! _Galing niyo talaga, guys!_ , good acting. Especially you, Addie!”  


Addie flashed a broken smile, wiping her tears with a handkerchief, admitting to herself that all she did was just for roleplay’s sake. She hated herself for dreaming of something that would never even happen to her. She just felt insignificant compared to the like of Neo, why would he even notice the likes of her? The distance would always stay the same. To her, this was nothing more than a would-be scenario that she kept imagining to herself for so long.  
However Mia quickly suspected that something was seriously wrong. Cessie could sense the same thing from her. The atmosphere grew heavy as the time shifted towards 3 in the afternoon.

“Let’s keep going?” Addie mustered whatever she had emotionally to keep going. But before they could go on, his phone vibrated. He reached for it and answered swiftly

“Hello? Oh hey Neo!”  


His name reverberating from Salle lips. He sounded glad upon Neo calling him suddenly. Addie just looked on feeling numbness in her body. Salle proceeded to tell him as his predicament with book.  


“I’m having some trouble with this book, do you think you can help?”  


“I’m here with _sina_ Mia, Cessie, and Addie!”  


“Ok… thanks! Bye! See you!”  


He lowered his phone and asked the three of them

“Neo can also help us out tomorrow, you guys wanna join?” he sounded excited knowing that the Neo can help them out.  


“I-I’ll be busy tomorrow, Salle… sorry” Addie tried to come up with an excuse in order to not be involved in any of this. She just wanted to be left alone for the time being.  


“I see, how about you guys?”  


Cessie was uncertain as to what to do. She wanted to say that she wanted to just stay with Addie to make things less awkward but she felt powerless to say or do anything.  


“I have to do homework tomorrow, kuya. You can go with Mia I guess”  


Mia had no problem with this and just nodded in silence. What bothered her was Addie’s performance during the roleplay. The pain and frustration she experienced felt so real that it went beyond mere acting. She noticed a heavy aura emanating from the heartbroken Addie. Cessie was definitely sure that Addie was acting very differently, but she can’t quite seem to tell. Whether a hunch or not, she could sense that Addie was in some form of frustration and pain. She just looked on in confusion as they walked away from each other and felt powerless for not trying to comfort her in any way. She couldn’t help but shed a few quiet tears upon walking away from them. Mia felt the air getting heavier as she walked with Addie going back. As Salle and Cessie walked together he remembered the first word he learned from that book 

_I Love You_

__

_The figure refers not to the declaration of love, to the avowal, but to the repeated utterance of the love cry._

Salle remembered the definition once again and wondered if what Addie told him was just a repeated utterance which would bear no meaning to him at all since he desired another?, or an actual declaration of genuine love expressed by her. All he could do was just contemplate deeply towards the ambiguous meaning of those words, those words he thought were once simple.

**Author's Note:**

> All characters here are owned by Buhay Kolehiyo
> 
> You can check them out here: https://www.facebook.com/sexysexyuniversities/
> 
> On another note, the fandom itself is actually one of the most interesting I've seen so far. A lot of diverse characters which leads to a lot of ships for people to write about especially Neo X Salle being the most popular. Then again, it's nice to also see other ships being written or wanting to be written and this is probably the first Addie x Salle fanfic so there's that going :)). Nonetheless, all ships are amazing ships!


End file.
